Mixed Emotions

Well, actually not even mixed.  I'm pretty clear on my emotions, and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm behaving pretty selfishly right now.

I left LHS to move to a PJPII to be with my girls and work part-time.  It really is the ideal job for me:  3 days a week, I see my children, the little ones are eager, minimal behavior problems...the list goes on.   In the past several months, I had been having feelings of regret over leaving the high school, especially while rehearsing for a Christmas play at the new school.

These kids have never really been introduced to a real theatrical experience; and certainly not my method.  It was frustrating because, at this time, the middle school students just don't have the maturity to handle what I'd like them to do.  We just had our performance, and it turned out pretty well.  Everyone seemed impressed.  I am encouraged that with more training, they will eventually rise to a certain level.  I miss working with high school students in that respect.  It is a different sort of fulfillment.  I don't miss the high school classroom, but I do miss high school theatre.  The exact opposite is true at PJPII.  I enjoy the classroom, but the theatre is difficult.

I had a whole day to enjoy the apparent success of my show.  My former Thespians competed in their District competition the same weekend.  I've not been in contact with them this semester, but I felt compelled to wish them "to break a leg."  This opened the flood gate of texts.  Saturday night, I learned they were awarded a Superior rating for their one-act play and will represent the District at the State festival.  This is an honor I received twice, but has alluded me since 2005.

This is where the "mixed" emotions part comes into play.  So many thoughts are swirling around in my head.  I don't even know if its worth trying to organize them into paragraph form.  So, I'll just list thoughts as bullet points.  Don't forget that I know I'm being childish and selfish.

• I wish I could have received that Superior!  I also wish I could share in their jubilation.  That is one of the best feelings in the world.  I worked really hard in years past and feel that we were judged rather unfairly, especially last year.
• I love the thrill of competition!  I miss that.  It doesn't last long...not much longer than the weekend. But it is sweet while it lasts.
• I can't help feeling that they're thinking that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea for me to leave.  The new director can take them places I couldn't.  Is she better than me?  Is her method of directing better? I guess what it boils down to is that I'm just jealous.
• Their play dealt with autism.  The director has an autistic son, so the topic is special and dear to her.  That sort of topic, when done well, is also a sure winner.  It reminds me of my Boys Next Door in 2005.
• I know the actors were superb.  I never doubted their talent.  I have to tell myself that I had a little something to do with that.
• A part of me feels that maybe I lost my edge during my time off from teaching. 
• They're putting on the play for the community this Saturday.  They've asked me to come.  I want to see it, and I want to support them.  But it will be really hard.  I really just want to avoid it.  Every time I read a Facebook post, it makes me sad.  How will it feel being there?
• I was ready to can the thought of more productions at PJPII.  I have a fire now to push those kids.  I am goal oriented, so this is my mission.  Maybe one day, we'll be ready to enter into a Junior Thespian competition.    

The LHS students who were texting me the results wrote some really nice things:  We miss you, We love you.  That was nice.  But still, I am a little down.

The Western Caribbean- A Pictorial Review (Better late than never!)

In late July, I went on a week-long cruise with my mom and Nana to Cozumel, Belize, Roatan, and Grand Cayman.  Sherry kept the girls because Chad had to work all week.  It was a nice getaway for me and a great three-generational bonding experience.  I've neglected both my blog and digital pictures of late, but in an effort to make amends, here they are:

We set off from Tampa.  This is a view from our balcony over the Florida Aquarium. 

Nana chillin' out on our balcony. 

This is the life!  I felt a little ridiculous carrying around this bucket of super-sized beer to the lifeboat drill. 

Bye bye, Tampa! 

Under the Sunshine Skyway Bridge.  Full speed ahead.  P.S.  I'm buzzed by now.

The view from our balcony.  Couldn't be more ideal, except for a lot of swaying.  Had to invest in wrist bands that hit pressure points to help with nausea.  They work really well.  

At dinner one night.  Nana moves  pretty well for 96!  

Glad I was filming and didn't have to participate. 

I had the worst night's sleep...woke up about 5:30am and laid there.  Finally, I got up, had some breakfast, 
and went for a walk on deck.  This was the sun coming up over Cozumel.  That was a really peaceful time on the ship. 

As close as I got to Belize. I couldn't be bothered to go ashore. The ship tenders from really far out.

This image might outweigh the nausea. 

The port at Roatan, Honduras.  This was our favorite stop!  (and unfortunately, the shortest)

Getting off the ship at Roatan. 

A resort at West End Village, Roatan. We felt very safe and welcome here. 

Horseback riding along the beach. 

Excellent Honduran beer! We enjoyed a boozy lunch at Fat Tuesdays. 

Absolutely no excuse for missing  your call when the ship is this close to the port.  This was a really good day.  

And we continued our fun on the ship after our 3pm sail.  Some of us "rested" during dinner.

At port in Cayman Islands.  Our ship in the background. This port tenders. 

One of 2 shipwrecks we saw on a glass bottom boat at Grand Cayman. 

From a beach at Grand Cayman. It threatened rain all day, but never affected us. This place looks and feels very similar to Key West. 

We stopped by a turtle farm.  There were some there that were almost 100 years old.  P.S. Turtle soup is very good!

Nana holding a turtle.  Caption actually unnecessary. 

Room service at it's finest. The entire staff of the cruise was phenomenal. 

Melanie and Belle appreciated their souvenirs. $12 (each!) well spent on blowfish pina coladas. 

It was a fun trip, and I'm glad we went.  A week is a little long for me to be at sea, but we enjoyed ourselves.

Heather Dawe, This Post is for You!

I GOTTA FEELING!....or not

I've made several major life decisions based on gut instincts. One that pops out at me was my freshman year in college. I left FSU and enrolled at HCC. I chose the Brandon campus because it was closest to home. I went to my first day of classes and had this anxious feeling come over me. All I saw were Armwood grads. It was the 13th grade! Maybe I was embarrassed that I couldn't cut it at Florida State. Maybe I wanted to start fresh and leave high school drama behind. All I know is that I left that campus after my last class, drove straight to the Ybor campus and enrolled there. That was the best choice I could have made. I had great classes and professors and it gave me the confidence to give FSU another try.

I just had another feeling this morning. I'm not sure I'll act on this one, though. This one's more nostalgic than life altering. After dropping the kids off at school, I went to Dunkin' Donuts for a much needed coffee. I turned out of the parking lot on auto pilot taking my usual route home from LHS. It was a deja vu sort of moment. All of a sudden, I missed LHS and doubted my decision to leave.

This is not actually a new thing for me. I've been pondering this a lot lately. There are a million reasons why working at Pope John Paul is the best thing for me. Here are a few:

• My kids go there and love it.
• I only work 3 days a week.
• I only see the students once or twice a week and don't have a homeroom to deal with.
• The school has a wonderful sense of community.

Here are reasons why I should never regret leaving LHS:

• High school students' attitudes seem to be getting worse every year.
• Class sizes in electives are ridiculously large.
• Teacher moral is at an all time low.
• I couldn't keep up with all that teaching Drama entails and spend time with my own kids.

All that said, I still miss it. I hated it the last year I was there, but I guess the grass is always greener. I had a sense of belonging there that I don't get yet at PJP. I felt at home in the halls. I loved making my rounds in the office. I made a lot of good teacher friends. But, quite possibly the best feeling was being in the auditorium alone.

I think I may be nostalgic for another time, though. Seeing Miles in Footloose (blog post on this coming soon!) brought back a lot of good memories. I think I may be confusing those with more recent ones. 2003-2006 were some of the best years of my life, but that's over. I'm where I need to be now. I know that. Hopefully that feeling with kick in soon, because I am one who acts on feelings.

I'm an Awful Blogger

5/30/11

Why can't I do this properly? Lord knows I've got so many comments on a variety of topics. I'm anti-Facebook. I use Twitter solely for knowing the latest moves of certain celebrities. So, blogging should be my thing.

Dammit, I'm going to make this happen! It was a year ago that I started this blog. I was off for the summer and had the time. Well, it's summer again, so I vow to write.

I've chosen not to change the title of my blog. 37 Sense just doesn't have the same ring. Plus, I'm not particularly fond of the number.

I've got a lot of catching up to do. I'll do that in a future post.