Rodent Rampage

I opened the front door this morning to take the girls to school and I kid you not, at least 10-15 squirrels scattered all over my yard. It was like a bust on a speakeasy.

 

Then I noticed a cardinal in a tree, and it all made sense.  Those crazy bastards thought they could actually catch that bird.

Not likely.

I'm Back (sort of)

I don't know what my problem is.  I have the worst case of writer's block.  When I'm teaching and full of angst and frustration, the words keep-a-flowing.  But this summer, with my kids all up in my business, it's hard to get my groove on.  I've certainly experienced writable moments, but I just can't be bothered to pound it out on the keyboard.

In an effort to post in July, I'll share some notable happenings of my summer thus far:

1.  I've been reading a lot.  Of course, I'm hooked on smutty, short romance novels because I'm trying to pump up my stats, but who's judging?  Typically, I enjoy meatier subjects (pardon the pun) during the summer because I have more time to focus and absorb. But this summer, if the novel doesn't have a shirtless six-pack on the cover, I'm not reading it.

2.  I have a new workout regime.  I'm all about Yoga and Pilates.  If the workout requires shoes, forget it.  I also don't want to be yelled at.  I have a slight problem with purchasing new workouts every week, because I like to keep mixing it up, but I'm digging the results.  Of course, I haven't curbed my food or alcohol intake, so I'm not losing weight.  But I'm more toned and feel good.

3.  I'm working part-time for Florida Virtual School.  I'm a TA for Driver's Ed.  To your number one question the answer is "Yes," it is possible to teach Driver's Ed online.  It's only the written portion...rules, regs, say no to drugs/texting, etc.  Thank God they didn't review my driving record as a prerequisite.  I've wanted to get on with them for the longest time.  This is seasonal at the moment. I'm hoping to stay on part-time into the school year and eventually switch to Social Studies.  It's sort of a bummer, though, that it came about during my time off.  Working is really cramping my fun in the sun.  Which brings me to:

4. I LOVE our pool.  What the hell did I ever do with my time before we had it?  I cant' get enough. If the mosquitoes wouldn't devour me, I'd sleep on a raft in it.  My obsessive compulsive personality is rearing its ugly head though,  because tanning has become my job.  I feel it's a must to be out there everyday, for multiple hours.  And I've got no business being in the sun everyday. Skin cancer runs like wild horses through my family.  I've personally had skin cancer removed from my scalp.  My lesson?  Wear a hat.  And broad spectrum SPF.  If it's sunny, I'm out there.  When it's raining, I'm pissed.  The good new is that I haven't gotten burned once.  The bad news is that I'll never have more than a healthy base tan.  A Hawaiian Tropic Model I'll never be.

After our week at the beach over the July 4th holiday, the girls can't be bothered to swim anymore. There are too many bugs, their ears hurt, they want to watch T.V.  I say piss on that.  So, I leave them inside and float about alone.  They come outside occasionally and ask me to place Barbie's hair in a ponytail  and then disappear.  We threaten that we're going to call Mr. Pool to come and take the pool back.  That gets them fired up.  "NO!" they yell.  But still, little to no swimming occurs. This of course is an idle threat because I will most certainly be lost without that pool. Tomorrow (weather permitting), I'm hiding the remotes and the iPad and forcing them to swim.  "And you will enjoy it, dammit!"

Memoirs, Memoirs, and More Memoirs

Check out my latest article where I look at the 'memoir' sensation.

The Classic Bait n' Switch

This is such a mindless subject to ponder, but I've often wondered if the celebrities who endorse box hair color really used the product prior to the ad.  Their hair always looks phenomenal.  If they do use it, I'm doing something horribly wrong.  I suspect they don't. Or if they do, they have some master hair colorist doctor the product with subtle highlights.  That and the lighting tech illuminates the hell out of it.

Her hair has never looked better, because her hair is pretty much crap.

My hair would totally have a green tint at this shade.

I'm not buying it.

Hell to the no!

If I could get blonde like that out of a box, I'd never go to a salon again.

A celebrity I would pay NOT to use my product.

Horrible, Christina. Absolutely Horrible!

"Dear God.   Please restore my brief sense of style.  I look ridiculous.  Amen."

Worst Case Scenario

I take back everything I wrote in my recent post about Christina Aguilera's transformation from tacky to tasteful.  She is slipping back into her old ways.  Why is she doing this?  Her appearance tonight on The Voice is laughable.  This image is actually the outfit I was referring to in the other article.  But what she is wearing tonight is far worse.  She just can't help herself.

And Christina, if you want to sing, go to a studio and lay down a track.  Because it's not about you, it's about the contestants.

bare: a pop opera

 Stephanie Coatney, Omar Montes, and Natale Pirrotta  in bare:  a pop opera.

This weekend I went to see my former student, Stephanie Coatney, in bare:  a pop opera at the Shimberg Playhouse at the Straz Center for the Performing Arts.  M.A.D. Theatre of Tampa produced the show and it was superbly directed by Jennifer Marshall.  

Set in a Catholic boarding school, the show centers on a group of friends during their senior year.  Altar boy Peter and big man on campus Jason are roommates and are carrying on a closeted romance.  Peter wants to go public with the affair, at least to his mother, whom he loves dearly.  Jason feels that his world would crumble if word of the relationship got out.  Things get more complicated when Ivy, makes a play for Jason.  Her rejected suitor, Matt, discovers Jason and Peter's secret and reveals the truth.    As both Jason and Peter struggle to come to terms with who they are, and who the world thinks they should be, they seek answers from the Church, their friends, and ultimately from within themselves.

It was a moving experience.  I am so proud of Stephanie.  She played Ivy and was amazing. I'm not surprised, though.  Her talent was evident when she was 14-years old.  Aside from her stellar voice, she speaks volumes with her eyes.  It's amazing when someone can play sexy, innocent, and vulnerable so well.  I am so glad that I got to see her in this role and that I was introduced to this amazing musical.

The acting and singing of the entire cast was so honest.  Nothing was overdone or overplayed.  The music was phenomenal, and the story was relevant. The blending when the entire cast sang as a whole was sick.  Other standout performers were Natale Pirrotta  who played Peter and Omar Montes who played Jason.  The latter half of the second act had the majority of the audience in tears, and it was largely due to their performances.  

I cannot believe that this was a community theatre performance.  I've seen some really bad community theatre, and believe me, this was many tiers up from that.  I would say this even if Stephanie were not in the show.  I am truly impressed and look forward to more M.A.D. productions.

The show's music is by Damon Intrabartolo and lyrics are by Jon Hartmere with the book a collaboration of the two.  It ran Off-Broadway in 2004.  If you're familiar with musical theatre, the show had the feel of Spring Awakening and Next to Normal due to its music style and themes.  A professional cast album is available on iTunes in two parts:  act one and act two.

Imbecile Parade

Exhibit A- an "imbecile."

We have a running gag in our family that is probably not found in any parenting manuals and is most likely frowned upon in many social circles.  We refer to anyone we see riding a motorcycle as an "imbecile."  Not sure why or how it started.  I have nothing against those who choose this lifestyle.  Personally, I've never set foot on the machine, and likely never will.  But, to each his own.

There is a Harley Davidson superstore in our area that hosts a lot of events for cyclists.  We drove past and witnessed one such event last week.  As I saw the double line of motorcycles several hundred feet long making it's way down the highway to the store, I exclaimed, "Look, girls.  It's an imbecile parade."  Sometimes I say things to my kids that should probably be left unsaid.  

Jump ahead to today in Music class.  (In case you are are not privy to this information, I teach Music at the same school where my girls attend.)  We were discussing drums and the percussion family.  As an example, we listened to a march.  I said that drums play a major part in marches, especially in parades.  

Melanie raises her hand. 

"Yes, Melanie?"

"Speaking of parades, we saw an imbecile parade the other day."

Sound of screeching tires (in my head).

"Yes, you're right.  We did.  [Long awkward pause. 15 expectant pair of eyes on me].  So, anyway, uh....drums......."

Thank God the average Kindergartner doesn't know the definition of an "imbecile." 

Also, your kids will ALWAYS repeat things you say.  Lesson learned.

The New Adventures of Old Christina

Let's talk about how MUCH BETTER Christina Aguilera looks since The Voice went live as opposed to the earlier episodes.

From

Tragic Hot Mess

To

Totally Hot

I won't even go into detail about that 45 record on her head because that's a blog post all by itself.

I don't even think it's the weight loss, because she hasn't lost all that much (as I write I'm watching her prance about the stage in a horrid bustier that does nothing for her thighs.)  It's like she saw herself on TV when the pre-taped shows aired and realized the ridiculousness that she had become.  Her body is but the first step.  Her total image has changed.  Did she get a new stylist?  Everything is better:  the makeup, the hair, the wardrobe.  It's more subtle and less clown-like and gimmicky.

Please, Christina.  Do yourself a favor and permanently lose the red lipstick and hair extensions.

On the Road in Rhode Island

This past Easter weekend, Chad and I celebrated our 10th anniversary with a trip to Providence and Newport Rhode Island.  I've always wanted to see the famous "cottages" of Newport and Chad was on a mission to take a photo in Providence.  More on that below.

Our plane was to depart from Tampa at 8:40am.   We very nearly missed the plane.

5 Lessons learned from our trip to the airport.  

1. Either spend the night in Tampa or leave much earlier than 6:00am.  
2. Never underestimate Tampa traffic.
3. Never divert from the Expressway even if you think you know a "faster" way on back roads. 
4. Long term parking at Tampa International is difficult to attempt under duress.
5. NEVER ride the monorail from long term parking to the terminal.  Trust me, a turtle could crawl faster. 

To say that the last 30 minutes of our car ride was tense, is an understatement.  We rode in complete silence.  My stomach was in knots.   We finally made it to baggage check-in at 8:10am.  The attendant  told us we could probably still make it, but the plane wouldn't wait on us.  We still had security to deal with.  We took our chances and RAN!  The image was pretty funny.  I would have taken a picture or video, but that may have been ill-timed and at the moment, possibly grounds for a divorce.  It went a little something like this.

Would you believe there was no line at security?  We furiously ripped off shoes and belts, then with the same ferocity, attempted to put them back on while running to the gate.  We were the last ones on, but we made it!  I was so winded that I wasn't even bothered by the takeoff (Typically, takeoffs and landings leave my hands sopping with sweat.) The flight to our layover in Detroit arrived 20 minutes early.  Take that, Karma!  As we were landing in Providence, Chad said, "I hope our luggage made it."

It did!  Thank God!

After a rather stressful beginning, we had a great trip.  We rented a car at the airport and stayed one night in Providence and two in Newport. Here are some photos to prove it.

First, the backstory on Chad's photo mission.  In 1943, Chad's grandfather was stationed in Providence for training as a Seabee. Either on a bet or a dare, he climbed up on the statue of General Burnside on horseback in Burnside Park.

Climbing up while his buddies cheered him on.

Fully mounted.

What we don't have is the picture of the MPs removing him from the statue with the help of a ladder.  Chad is not so bold as to also climb up on the horse, but we though we could get a picture of him standing at the base until we came upon...

Notice the handwritten graffiti.  Not written by us.

So we had to settle for this.

As we attempted to make our way through each city, Chad would declare, "I've been here."  Or, "I've walked this way."  I was like, "Chad, when have you ever been to Rhode Island?"  He said, "On Google Maps....virtual walk."  Oh Jesus, it's come to this.  Next, we'll be working out virtually.  Or worse, taking a vacation!

Now onto our attempt at photojournalism.  Unfortunately, the only picture of the both of us together was too dark.  The angle of the sun cast a lot of shadows on many of our pictures, but in some, it was a cool effect.  Please excuse my self-indulgence in thinking that the reader might actually want to see all of these pictures.

Lots of steeples and domes and really cool architecture.

The Capitol.

Not sure what flower this is, but they were in bloom all over the state.

A species seldom spotted in Providence...a blonde.

The closest I'll ever get to the gates of Brown University.

A typical old home near Newport's wharf.

The beginning of the Cliff Walk.

Beautiful view.  The Cliff Walk is 3.5 miles long and  backs up to many of the mansions.

Anyone who needs this sign to tell them to stay away from the edge, deserves to fall.

Just another day in the lap of luxury.

These thorn bushes are evidently meant to keep the lowerclasses from trespassing on The Breakers property.

Alright!  I get it!

For a portion, the path ends, and you must walk across these boulders.

Gotta represent!

On our walk, we came across an Easter egg hunt at Rosecliff, which was used as Gatsby's house in the movie.
Yes, that's a giant gold rabbit.

The eggs weren't very cleverly hidden.

Not your party, dad.

Another one bites the dust.

Chillin' at Alva Vanderbilt's summer "cottage,"Marble House.  It cost a cool $11 million in 1892.

Chinese tourists at Marble House taking a pic in front of....

No joke.  This was in the background of their picture.

St. Mary's Church where John and Jackie Kennedy were married.

Yet another Hookah lounge.  I have never seen so much drugparaphernalia for sale as I did in Rhode Island,
Amsterdam excluded. 

A Bedee trip tradition...a visit to every Irish pub in town.

It was a nice vacation and getaway for the two of us.  We definitely want to return some day.

R.I.P Leo

Leo the Cat

April 2000-April 2012

He was always so good with the girls.

And he put up with a lot.

We had to put Leo down today.  He ate something, possibly a reptile or insect, outside that infected his pancreas and made him really sick.  The worst part is that he was in severe pain for several hours before we found him at his worst.  The vet gave him pain killers and antibiotics, but he couldn't shake it.  We decided to put him out of his misery this morning.  Chad and I were with him and got to say goodbye.

Dear Leo,

I'm sorry that we didn't devote as much time to you as you deserved these past several years.  I'm especially sorry for letting you suffer.  I hope your days were good with us.  Say"hi" to Sassy for me.

Love, 

Your family

I Just Caught a Glimpse of Dystopia

Article first published as I Just Caught a Glimpse of Dystopia on Technorati.

And believe me, it wasn't pretty.  The Sears in our already substandard rural mall is closing.  Ours is one of 79 stores in the Sears Holding Corporation that is closing after a disappointing holiday shopping season. The store is currently liquidating its merchandise.  Electronics and home appliances are marked down between 25-50%.  Seasonal items, such as clothing, are marked anywhere from 50-75%.  These are not the sort of drastic sales you might expect because what doesn't sell by April 30th, when the store is set to shut its doors, will be transported to other Sears stores that are still in business. But still, the store is swamped with people trying to find a deal.

It's really a dismal atmosphere. Sections of the store are completely bare. There is no rhyme or reason to the displays. Everything has been picked over. The bright yellow signs hanging from the ceiling are depressing.  What's worse is the thought of an anchor store sitting empty after multiple smaller stores in the mall have already left.  With few chain retail stores left, I fear the whole place will be turned into a factory outlet mall.

In the hour I was in the store, I witnessed two altercations between customers and store employees.  In both instances, the customer was rude, and the employee lost his cool.

Episode 1

An irate man at the jewelry counter yelled, "Is anyone going to help me? I've been standing here 25 minutes." An employee walked past and said to him, "You have to let her finish helping that other man."  Then there was a back and forth exchange about which customer was at the counter first.  In frustration he said, "Never mind.  It's not worth it. This sort of thing is the reason why you're going out of business."  "No," retorted the employee, "it's because of people like you."  Again, they went back and forth and sounded like children fighting on a playground.  The customer left in a huff.

Episode 2

I actually  had to eavesdrop on this one.  A woman was arguing with the manager at the same jewelry counter over the amount of the discount.  She refused to believe that the 50%  had already been discounted.     Finally, the manager told her, "Look, I don't know what else to say to you.  That's the price.  I'm not going to argue with you.  If you want it, pay for it.  Otherwise, you need to leave the store!"  It was at that moment that I realized a security officer was standing watch.

When I went to the checkout counter to pay, I had to ask the clerk, "Does this sort of thing happen a lot these days?"  She nodded her head sadly, "It's really tough to come to work some days."  Then I asked, "What's going to happen to you once the store is closed?"  "I'm 78-years-old," she said.  "I've been with Sears for a long time.  I'll probably just gather my unemployment and be done with it."  "And the others?"  I asked.  She looked me in the eye and didn't have to say anything.  As I was leaving she told me, "Thanks for being understanding."

Unbelievable!  This is what it's come to.  Customers swarm the store searching for mega deals in a state of frenzy.  The problem as I see it is that everyone assumes that because the store is closing, they should be giving away items for free.  The philosophy seems to be:  We are doing you a favor by taking this merchandise off your hands.  In turn, the employees have nearly given up on being civil to the customers because there is no accountability.  It's not as if they have to concern themselves with losing their jobs.  It must be very demoralizing for the employees. I have seriously never witnessed a situation quite like this before. Sadly, I feel like what I saw today is a small-scale version of our society and culture as a whole.