I Just Caught a Glimpse of Dystopia

Article first published as I Just Caught a Glimpse of Dystopia on Technorati.

And believe me, it wasn't pretty.  The Sears in our already substandard rural mall is closing.  Ours is one of 79 stores in the Sears Holding Corporation that is closing after a disappointing holiday shopping season. The store is currently liquidating its merchandise.  Electronics and home appliances are marked down between 25-50%.  Seasonal items, such as clothing, are marked anywhere from 50-75%.  These are not the sort of drastic sales you might expect because what doesn't sell by April 30th, when the store is set to shut its doors, will be transported to other Sears stores that are still in business. But still, the store is swamped with people trying to find a deal.

It's really a dismal atmosphere. Sections of the store are completely bare. There is no rhyme or reason to the displays. Everything has been picked over. The bright yellow signs hanging from the ceiling are depressing.  What's worse is the thought of an anchor store sitting empty after multiple smaller stores in the mall have already left.  With few chain retail stores left, I fear the whole place will be turned into a factory outlet mall.

In the hour I was in the store, I witnessed two altercations between customers and store employees.  In both instances, the customer was rude, and the employee lost his cool.

Episode 1

An irate man at the jewelry counter yelled, "Is anyone going to help me? I've been standing here 25 minutes." An employee walked past and said to him, "You have to let her finish helping that other man."  Then there was a back and forth exchange about which customer was at the counter first.  In frustration he said, "Never mind.  It's not worth it. This sort of thing is the reason why you're going out of business."  "No," retorted the employee, "it's because of people like you."  Again, they went back and forth and sounded like children fighting on a playground.  The customer left in a huff.

Episode 2

I actually  had to eavesdrop on this one.  A woman was arguing with the manager at the same jewelry counter over the amount of the discount.  She refused to believe that the 50%  had already been discounted.     Finally, the manager told her, "Look, I don't know what else to say to you.  That's the price.  I'm not going to argue with you.  If you want it, pay for it.  Otherwise, you need to leave the store!"  It was at that moment that I realized a security officer was standing watch.

When I went to the checkout counter to pay, I had to ask the clerk, "Does this sort of thing happen a lot these days?"  She nodded her head sadly, "It's really tough to come to work some days."  Then I asked, "What's going to happen to you once the store is closed?"  "I'm 78-years-old," she said.  "I've been with Sears for a long time.  I'll probably just gather my unemployment and be done with it."  "And the others?"  I asked.  She looked me in the eye and didn't have to say anything.  As I was leaving she told me, "Thanks for being understanding."

Unbelievable!  This is what it's come to.  Customers swarm the store searching for mega deals in a state of frenzy.  The problem as I see it is that everyone assumes that because the store is closing, they should be giving away items for free.  The philosophy seems to be:  We are doing you a favor by taking this merchandise off your hands.  In turn, the employees have nearly given up on being civil to the customers because there is no accountability.  It's not as if they have to concern themselves with losing their jobs.  It must be very demoralizing for the employees. I have seriously never witnessed a situation quite like this before. Sadly, I feel like what I saw today is a small-scale version of our society and culture as a whole.

An Easter Story (Melanie's Version)

First, an update on the chore chart as it pertains to this post:

The honeymoon is over.  The chores are still being done, but the sereneness of  three mornings ago has left.  It's now chaos as usual. See this for more info.  This morning they were fighting over...

Melanie was hoarding it.  Belle wanted to hold it  The following is a transcript of the morning's events.

Scene 1:  The Living Room

Belle:  Give it to me.  I wanna read it.

Melanie: You don't even know how to read. 

Belle:  Yes, I do. 

Melanie:  No, you don't. 

Yes, I do.  No you don't.  (Repeats roughly 25x)

Melanie:  Fine!  I'll read it really fast then give it to you.   (Furiously flips pages) Jesus dies on the cross.  Okay, next page (flip).  Mary is so sad she throws up all over Jesus (flip).  He rises from the dead.  Everyone cheers.  (Shuts book)  Okay, the end.  Here (thrusts book at Belle).

Me:  Melanie, show me the picture of Mary vomiting on her son.

Melanie:  I just said that to make Belle laugh. 

That's my girl distorting fact for fiction for comedy's sake.

Scene 2:  The Ride to School

(They are singing to the finale of Godspell.)

Belle:  (in a pseudo-deep voice bordering on sacrilege) O God, I'm bleeding...O God, I'm dying...O God, I'm dead.

Melanie: (playing air guitar) Will I be nailed or roped to the cross?

Me:  Uh...neither.  You will not be crucified at all. 

Melanie:  I'm excited that we get to see the end of the Easter video today.  I missed my favorite part yesterday...the crucifixion.

Ummmm...is that normal?

Chad says he'll be glad when Easter is over.  Melanie is taking it too hard.  She cried at bedtime tonight because Jesus died on the cross. Sounds like the onset of Catholic guilt. 

Epilogue

Melanie:  Mary, I have some bad news.  When Jesus grows up, he's gonna die on the cross.

A Reenactment

Wrong liturgical season, girls.

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

I lost everything.  I wrote a post, and now it's gone.  Could it be due to the fact that I edited it on 4 different devices?  I'm as devastated as if it were my Master's thesis.

Back to the drawing board.

CMARWSQMDTHF

The Irony of Blogging

In an effort to make it appear as if I lead a fascinating life, I have actually forfeited real living.  I'm trying to ramp up my blogging to in turn help my writing.  I'm trying to get some freelance writing gigs, but I need samples.  I like the creative challenge of having to organize thoughts and put them in writing.  But blogging is way harder than I thought.

I am off on Mondays and did nothing today.  Seriously, I.did.nothing.  I did manage to squeeze in a workout and telephone call, and in doing so was almost late picking up my kids from school.  I can piss away a day better than anyone.  I almost need to write to keep busy.

I'd like to share with you a portion of my phone conversation.

Me:  Writing is hard. It's not easy trying to be witty and charming at the same time.

Natalie:  I liked the bit about the bear.  That was funny.

Me:  Yeah.  I'm hoping to create a whole Swingers  story line.  I'll need more animals.  Possibly some bunnies because they would sooo fit.  What I should really be doing right now is setting up some more shots with the bears. I'm thinking that I could---  

For clarification click here. 

Natalie:  Wait.  I'm sorry.  Let's walk that statement back. Did you really say you needed to snap pictures of stuffed animals?  That right there is a blog post.

 So the question is, do you write about funny happenings or create funny happenings in order to write?

My Spring Lineup

I don't watch as much television as I used to since I started reading more.  I seldom watch TV during the day anymore, with the exception of an occasional Real Housewives of _____ or Jerseylicious Sunday marathon.  My nightly viewing is typically contained to 8-10pm.  After 10pm, I enjoy watching re-runs of Friends.  What can I say?  I like to live in the past.

At any rate, these are the shows I'm keeping up with at the moment (in no particular order):

The Voice

Smash

The Real Housewives of Orange County

American Idol

GCB

Shows I'm anxiously awaiting this summer:

The Bachelorette (not impressed by choice of Emily)

Bachelor Pad (always entertainment)

So You Think You Can Dance? 
Dallas (so excited...please TNT, don't disappoint)
Rizzoli and Isles

Updates on episodes to follow.

Personal Responsibility, You are a Friend of Mine

Melanie's Weekly Chores

We instituted a new chore chart in our house yesterday, and it's working like a charm.  True it's only been in effect one day, but Lord what a difference it made this morning.  

As you know, getting the girls out the door for school without screaming and/or spankings rarely happens.  This morning, however, was a pleasure.  We used to use a chore chart on a white board that was attached to the refrigerator.  It worked well.  But for whatever reason, we stopped keeping track. My friend, Karen, gave me this. They attach this sheet to a clip board.  We brainstormed about chores that should be included.  The inspectors (Chad and I) add a sticker to the bottom for each day of completed tasks.  The reward is $5 at the end of week.

Melanie carried around her clipboard this morning making check marks along the way.  It was actually pretty funny.  The best part?  No yelling, no asking multiple times for them to get dressed, no spankings, a.k.a. NO STRESS!  Melanie even brushed her own teeth.  Note:  She's quite capable of doing this on her own, but I'm a little excessive compulsive when it comes to teeth brushing, so I had to do a follow-up myself....I know, I know!

Right now, this is novel.  We'll check back in 2 weeks' time to see if it's still working.

Gin and Bear It

GIVEN CIRCUMSTANCES:
My dad gave the girls a giant bear for Christmas.
I too had a giant bear as a child.
There is half full bottle of gin in the cabinet from a party.
We got a new camera for Christmas.

THE DILEMMA:
What to do with your time on a Saturday night when all of these items are at your fingertips?

I give you our solution.  What you are about to witness is not for young viewers.  No bears were harmed in the shooting of this documentary. Dialogue seemed trite and awkward.  I've instead provided a mock-up of each scene.

Bear breaks up with girlfriend.  Buddy consoles him.

Bear turns to the bottle.

Bear struggles with calling said girlfriend.

Gin catches up with Bear.

Bear collapses in drunken fit.

"Don't ask."

This is not the last you'll see of the bears.  I just need more time to flesh out my concept.  Trust me, we have enough stuffed animals in this house for more characters.

Decision Points

Nothing gets me more charged than political season.  These crazy primaries have made me nostalgic for elections past.  I've spent the past several weeks delving in to the 2008 election.  I thought I'd revisit the beginning of last decade this time and read Decision Points by George W. Bush.

Admittedly, I was as down on the president at the end of his tenure as just about everyone else in the country.  But time heals all wounds and provides so much insight.  I found this book to be very interesting and well-written.

The structure is unique.  Instead of taking his presidency year by year, event by event, Bush focuses on critical decisions he was forced to make.  Each chapter focuses on a different decision.  Therefore, the book is technically not in chronological order.  But any fool knows the order of events since 2000 (or am I being too presumptuous?)  The first chapter discusses his choice to stop drinking and how it has shaped the rest of his life.  He then discusses the 2000 election, 9/11, Afghanistan, Iraq, Hurricane Katrina, the economic crisis, and other key topics.  I think its very easy for the armchair warriors to criticize choices any president makes.  It is mind blowing that the safety and integrity of our country rests in the outcome of decisions made by the president.  But he doesn't act without counsel.  The president has a team of advisers and is privy to intelligence briefings.  That being said, Bush takes complete ownership of all his decisions and admits that in some cases, he got it wrong.

I was not aware that Bush is as faithful and reverent as he is.  He reads the Bible every morning.  He wanted to make federal funding for faith-based organizations a part of his platform, but all his early ideas took the back burner after Sept. 11th.  I hadn't really thought about it until I read this book, but Bush had a very eventful 8 years in office.  You'd almost have to be a believer to get though all that without losing your sanity.

I found it very touching that he wrote personal letters to every family who lost a soldier in Iraq and Afghanistan.  While time consuming, I should think that's the very least he could do.  He concedes that his decision is what put the men and women in harms way to begin with.

The book also offers a glimpse into the daily life and traditions of the president.  For instance, every outgoing president writes a letter to the new one and leaves it on the desk in the Oval Office.  Bush left one for Obama after meeting with him in depth to discuss the economic fallout.  The peaceful change of power in our country really is something to marvel at.

Bush ends by stating that he knows all his decisions weren't popular, but that he made every one with the best intentions for the country.  I'm glad I read the book.  I'm also glad that I read it 4 years after the end of his presidency.   It gave me more perspective.  It will be interesting to see how he is perceived 20 years from now.

Truth or Dare

Madonna's Truth or Dare is on Palladia right now, and it's like crack to me. Ah...to be in 1991 again. How did I never watch this in its entirety before tonight? She looks so different, but then again, so do I. I completely forgot that Madonna dated Warren Beatty.

This totally makes me nostalgic. I can mark so many milestones of my life through Madonna's songs. My Fifth grade cheerleeding dance was to Lucky Star. I specifically remember sitting in class my Sophomore year of high school discussing Justify My Love. She provided a soundtrack to my life from elementary school to college.

Will any artist today have longevity? I feel like singers and bands today are fleeting. Will my daughters be able to name influential artists when they are I their (late) thirties?

I Know This About Myself

If you've read any of my blog entries, you know I'm a reader.  I like to fancy myself connoisseur of fine pieces of literature, but let's be honest.  Those types are better left for audio when an excellent voice actor can read it to me.  During the school year, when my brain is fried, I need quick, mindless, chick lit.

And I mean quick.  Like read-it-in-less-than-3-days quick.  After that, I'm over it.  I read reviews stating the common phrase "I stayed up all night to finish it.  I just couldn't put it down."  My nightly wine consumption prohibits me from achieving this.  I have to get all my reading done during the day.  We all have our priorities.

Cue choir of angels because I found the perfect book to meet my needs.....

This was "laugh out loud" and "read specific lines aloud to anyone who'll listen" funny.  As the title suggests, the main character, Babe, is a narcissistic rich girl who really doesn't have many problems.  Still she makes the case that her "white girl problems" are indeed real.  It really is such a hindrance that she hates the appearance of her vagina, and it's so unfortunate that her alter ego, Babette, emerges whenever she begins to feel strongly for a man.  It's supposed to be a memoir and is based on a Twitter feed.  As I read, I kept Googling  names and pictures and could find no matches.  Events and dialogue became more outrageous (e.g. grandmother mauled by lion in Africa while wearing zebra print, personal trainer who promotes strength and  flexibility through sex IN THE GYM), so I kept investigating.  Now, don't you think for one minute that I wasn't loving every delicious syllable of this book.  Just after turning that last page, I came across this article that FINALLY answered my questions.  Babe Walker is a fictional character invented by three friends!

Thank God!  Now I don't have to hate myself for wanting to be her best friend.  The writing is so clever.  It's really what makes the book.  If you enjoy sarcastic wit and well-placed dialogue, read the book.

Now I'm on to my other favorite snarky, bitchy writer....Jen Lancaster.