Ironic Follow-up to T-shirt Drama

So, this morning, Chad busts out the infamous Wicked shirt for Melanie to wear to school.  And she REFUSES to wear it.

"I want to find something fashionable to wear." she says.

Well, I have news for you, Melanie:  

1. If price = fashion, then this shirt should be marched down a runway at New York Fashion Week.
2. I WILL be wearing this shirt when you get home from school.

I think I can maybe squeeze into it.

See previous post for price clarification.

Now That's Love...

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'd like to share a little love: love of my daughters and love of the musical Wicked.  This is a long one, but a great story.  About a year ago, I introduced Melanie and Belle to my favorite musical of all time: Wicked.  Since then, they have sung the songs almost daily.  It was even their costume theme for Halloween 2012.

"Pink goes good with green."

So, when we found out Wicked was coming to Tampa on tour, we became club members to get early tickets.  We got 4th row, nearly center! For 6 months, we waited patiently til Sunday, January 27th rolled around. The tuning of the orchestra always gives me goosebumps, and I couldn't wait for the girls to hear the first notes of the show.  I stored the tickets away safely.

We knew from experience, after attending the matinee of Mary Poppins a month earlier, we'd have just enough time to go to church, drive to Tampa, and grab a quick lunch on the way before the 2 pm curtain time.

PART 1: THE SHOW

We made great time, early even!  We pulled up around 1:10 pm.  Great...now Chad and I could enjoy a cocktail before the show.  We even took the time to take some pictures to remember this special moment.

When we walked up to the doors, there was not a soul around.  I thought to myself, "Wow, we are so early!"  The attendant looked at us like we were in the wrong place, "Can I help you?"  "Yes, we're here for the show."  We walked in casually. No one was in the lobby.  We sauntered toward the restroom.  I saw someone green singing 'The Wizard and I' on the TV monitor.  I thought, "Geez, we're so early that they're still running through it on stage."  Another attendant said, "You can watch the show til they'll let you in at a scene change."

SCHREEEECHING BREAKS SOUND!!!!!!!!

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?"

The show started at 1 pm, not 2 pm.

Bottomline, I've never peed so fast with 2 girls in tow in my life.  We ran to the entrance of our section and were seated by the beginning of the next scene.  

There were tears.  Lots of tears.  All mine.  

Thankfully, I lost myself in the show and forgot how disappointed I was that the girls missed the beginning (at least for a while.)  I kept telling myself that we only missed 3 songs, roughly 15-20 minutes.  The girls were fine.  They thought we were late because Chad drove too slow.

I know what you're thinking:

1. What kind of an asshole doesn't even take a quick glance at a ticket she's had in her possession for 6 months for a start time?
2. Who, other than someone who is habitually tardy thinks that 1:10 pm is "extremely early" for a 2 pm show?
3. Why the hell would a traveling show that's been running in one city for 3 weeks straight need to rehearse before its last matinee?
4. We would have only missed 2 songs instead of 3 if not for our photo shoot midway to the theatre.

Even after a traumatic beginning, the girls loved the show.  They wanted shirts to remember it. Chad went to the concession booth and came back with 2 $50 (a piece) t-shirts. (Rape, if you ask me, but nothing is cheap at these shows.) Anything to make up for the chaos of earlier.  The girls started planning their outfits for Monday incorporating the shirts. We left the show on a high thinking that maybe missing the beginning wasn't so bad after all.

PART 2: DUMPSTER DIVING

It was early evening when we left Tampa for Crystal River.  We stopped twice:  once to eat, the second time to gas up.  The car was filled with trash from our ride down.  Chad can't stand clutter, so he cleared out all the miscellaneous bags and threw them out at the gas station.  When we got home and began unloading, Chad asked, "Where are the shirts?"

SCHREEEECHING BREAKS SOUND!!!!!!!!

We scoured the van for the bag containing the shirts.  Nothing.  I burst into tears....again.  Typically, I'd toss out the "How could you...?" line, but I'd already screwed up enough earlier.  Obviously, the shirts were  accidentally thrown away.  How could we have completely ruined what was to be the most perfect day?  

Melanie asked, "Daddy, where are our shirts?"  It was now 7:45 pm on a Sunday evening.  Without a word, Chad picked up the keys and began the 45-minute trek back to the gas station to look for the shirts.  I can only imagine what went through his mind on the trip.  I only know that I emptied every ounce of fluid in my body through my eyes for the next few hours.

He was gone so long.  I thought maybe he went all the way back to the Straz Center to the evening show to buy 2 new shirts. But he only went to the gas station. Of course, 5 minutes before he got there, the trash had been emptied into the dumpster. 

So, he dove on in.

Items encountered in the gas station dumpster:    

1. A dirty baby's diaper

2. Cigarette ashes from a car vacuum

3. Our McDonald's lunch bag (this provided a slight glimmer of hope)   

4. Stale, day-old hot dogs

5. Dip spit

Finally, at 10:30 pm, Chad walked through the door...reeking of garbage...NO shirts.  There was little that could be said at this point.  He calmly picked up the computer and found a site selling the same shirts for roughly the same price.

Straz Center Club Membership: $200

4 Tickets: $ 400

4 t-shirts: $200

Trip to NYC so the girls can see the beginning of the show on Broadway: PRICELESS!

Melanie's biggest concern?:   "How will I prove I saw the show if I don't have a shirt?"

Christening Day

Today was the first day we were able to swim in the pool.  The deck isn't entirely finished, but it's functional.  We got in about 11 a.m. and didn't come inside until 4:30 p.m, with breaks for food (which we ate poolside.)  It was wonderful.  We haven't spent that much leisure time outdoors in the 10 years we've lived here.

Happy girls.

At bedtime, Belle told me that she loves me more than the new pool.  High praise indeed!

Summer Fun to Come

We've been thinking about a pool for ages, but we just don't have the money for an in ground pool. Lately, we started batting around the idea of an above ground pool.  They've come a long way from my childhood.  Last Friday, Chad and I went to Mr. Pool.  Bottomline, we came home with a 16'x32' new best friend.  That was until we started adding up all the other expenses that went along with this pool.  Since then, we've Chad has been up to his eyeballs in re-designing/building our back porch.  When finished, it will be really nice and what we've wanted for a long time.

Tearing up the old deck boards.

The hose is running non-stop.  I don't even want to see this month's water bill.

View from the back.

Notice the overseer in the window.

Side view.

Thinking about what else has to be done.

Waiting very patiently for the pool to be finished.

The money is worth it because it can be a very long summer when the girls have nothing fun to do outside.  But like every home improvement project, this is opening up the flood gates for more plans.

More photos to come when it is actually finished and the pool is filled.

Fun at Weeki Wachee

We spent several hours at Weeki Wachee today.  We've been to Buccaneer Bay as a family, but I haven't seen the mermaid show since I was a kid.  The girls are obsessed with mermaids, so we decided to make a day of it.  They had a blast!  The show was really cool.  It was good to see the theatre packed for a show that's been around for over 50 years.

It's also been a while since we've taken some decent photos.  Here they are.

Don't hate me for posing for a couple of new profile pics.

After the photo shoot and swimming, Belle got into her "special juice" (a.k.a. Coke) and went ape shit.  Here is evidence as I was attempting to change her in the bathroom stall.

All in all, a fun day!

Happy Birthday, Baby Belle!

My Belle is 4-years-old today!

Then

Now

Tiny Dancers

Last night, the girls had their group dance pictures taken.  It lasted over 3 hours, which was horrible for me.  But as we were leaving they both exclaimed "how much fun" it was and they "loved it!"  So, I guess that made my time away from American Idol worth it.  Here is proof of their happiness.

Yes, this is a ridiculous amount of costumes.  And there are even more that aren't pictured.

Freddy, My Love

Earlier while flipping through the channels, I came across Nightmare on Elm Street 2.  I should have changed it because the girls were in the room, but I got sucked in. Besides, nothing too gruesome was happening.

Melanie says, "This isn't scary at all."

This from the child who used to run out of the room whenever the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk was on TV.

When at last I turned the channel, Belle freaks out.  "I want to watch the claws!  I love it!"

Melanie begins furiously sketching Freddie Krueger, talking herself through it:  "Head, body, feet, claws..."

"Don't forget the hat, Melanie."

"Oh, yeah."

Next, I had to answer what seemed like a million questions about Freddie Krueger and why he has claws and why was that boy's arm ripping open? and why is he crazy?, etc....

I just wanted to to yell, "Because his mother was raped by 100 maniacs, THAT'S WHY!"

But instead, I sat back and realized that I brought all this on myself and knew that my children would most likely be having nightmares tonight, regardless of how much they think they "love" Freddy.

So, I changed the channel to Dance Moms, because that's so much better for children's viewing.

Just Horsin' Around

In honor of today's running of the Kentucky Derby, the girls got dressed up in their finest and put on a race of their own.

Sadly, "Castle" may have to be put down.

In a miraculous recovery, Castle runs a second race, only to lose again to "Caroline."

The Healing Powers of Venison

Earlier tonight, Melanie hits her nose and is crying.  I tell her to go get an ice pack (notice I do not offer to get it myself....tough love/laziness.)  I hear the freezer door open and shut.  I assume all is well.  A half hour later, I find an abandoned package of frozen deer meat on my couch.

A thousand legitimate ice packs and she chooses this.

Chad went on a hunting trip in the Fall and we have been eating deer meat like its our job.  Mmmmm...delicious!  

Just think this.

And not this.

It feels (and tastes) better that way.

P.S.  What the hell is that all over that doe's back?  The infamous deer flies I hear speak of?  I know the bastards like to bite my legs, and it hurts like hell.  Geez, cut this mom a break, will you?  That's a lot of flies!

Melanie's First Mani/Pedi

Melanie and I enjoyed a relaxing afternoon at the nail salon.  Because she was with me, I did not get to catch up on my reading, as I normally do.  But I did get to enjoy some pretty kick ass music from the '90s.  I'm talking the whole decade...the soundtrack of my life that included high school, college, and my early career.  I don't know where they get the music, but I must own it.  Is it some sort of special order Muzak?  Would a Vietnamese nail salon in a substandard mall even invest in such a thing?  Their music is always the same, always a perfect mix, and always magnificent.  In fact even when I go alone and get to read, I get sidetracked by the tunes.  Man, I loved the '90s!

I apologize that the first paragraph had absolutely NOTHING to do with the title and purpose of this post.

So anyway, when I wasn't envisioning myself dressed in all white and dancing on on a pier to Britney Spears' Sometimes, I was documenting Melanie's first professional manicure and pedicure.

Who doesn't love a hand massage?

Convincing a 6-year-old to keep her hands and feet still is nearly impossible.

This is the life!

It was a nice mother/daughter bonding experience.  The music made it that much sweeter.

Imbecile Parade

Exhibit A- an "imbecile."

We have a running gag in our family that is probably not found in any parenting manuals and is most likely frowned upon in many social circles.  We refer to anyone we see riding a motorcycle as an "imbecile."  Not sure why or how it started.  I have nothing against those who choose this lifestyle.  Personally, I've never set foot on the machine, and likely never will.  But, to each his own.

There is a Harley Davidson superstore in our area that hosts a lot of events for cyclists.  We drove past and witnessed one such event last week.  As I saw the double line of motorcycles several hundred feet long making it's way down the highway to the store, I exclaimed, "Look, girls.  It's an imbecile parade."  Sometimes I say things to my kids that should probably be left unsaid.  

Jump ahead to today in Music class.  (In case you are are not privy to this information, I teach Music at the same school where my girls attend.)  We were discussing drums and the percussion family.  As an example, we listened to a march.  I said that drums play a major part in marches, especially in parades.  

Melanie raises her hand. 

"Yes, Melanie?"

"Speaking of parades, we saw an imbecile parade the other day."

Sound of screeching tires (in my head).

"Yes, you're right.  We did.  [Long awkward pause. 15 expectant pair of eyes on me].  So, anyway, uh....drums......."

Thank God the average Kindergartner doesn't know the definition of an "imbecile." 

Also, your kids will ALWAYS repeat things you say.  Lesson learned.

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

I'm changing the target's name because I don't need a lawsuit.  Plus, I teach the kid, so that's really weird.

Seriously, I do not make this up.

Melanie, what are you doing?

"I'm looking up a spell to cast on Jennifer.  She is mean."

[Notice the mimic monkey in the back]

Just a fun spell, right?  Not to hurt her?

"Uh...yeah.  Sure."

"Duh....just for fun."

Belle, you are so... ______ (searching for the perfect adjective.)

"Fabulous!"

Not really what I was going for.

A Pet Isn't Just For Life

Occasionally, the girls like to go out to spend some time at Leo's grave.  He's buried out beside the garage under a tree next to our other cat.  Today, we noticed a major dip in the dirt around the grave.  My first thought was that some animal had tried to get to him.  The grave is fairly fresh...three weeks.  Also, we've had a lot of hard rain for two days.  Bottom line, you could see the box he's inside.  

Macabre, to say the very least.  I simply cannot deal with a dug up cat corpse.

After shooing away the girls, Chad threw some more dirt on the grave.  For good measure, he covered the area in stones and flat rocks.  After all was well, they came to visit and literally were jumping from stone to stone.  This irked me.  

Attempting to capitalize on this teachable moment, I say,  "Girls, stop that.  It's disrespectful to walk on people's graves."

Belle replies, "It's not a people.  It's just an ole' kitty cat."

I look to Chad for support.  He simply snickers and walks away.

And this philosophy is why the poor bastard  writhed in pain for four hours while we were at a party (I may have failed to mention this information on my other post in an effort to shed a better light on myself.  Or to feel less guilty.  One of the two.  Or both.)

Ten points if you caught the tagline reference of the title.

Too Much, Too Soon

Statements I never hoped or wanted to hear today from my almost 4 and 6-year-old daughters:

1. "I need to take Belle's profile picture."  (Melanie)
2. "Mommy, is that your BedeeMania blog?  (Melanie)
3. "I whip my hair back and forth...." (Belle- in song)
4. "I need to text the Ice Princess." (Melanie)

Shameful.

Three of the four are due to the Disney Channel.  Which in turn is still my fault for letting them watch  it.

I'm both sad and very, very scared.

Amy Duncan is My Hero

If I could choose one TV mom to be my new best friend it would be Amy Duncan from Good Luck, Charlie. Before you judge me for choosing a Disney mom, here me out.  This is a really cute show that could actually survive on primetime, and one of the few that is minus a smart-alecky midget kid and plus a present mom and dad.  This clip proves that Amy and I could totally hang. The quality's not the best, but you get the point.

When we watched this episode, both girls and Chad turned to me and said, "That's you, Mommy."

NOTE:  I may have, once or twice (or more),  performed in this fashion.  But never in a preschool.  Only in the privacy of my own home.   

Every morning on the way to school the girls listen to Wicked.  And, every morning they tell me to stop singing.  I tell them that's like telling the wind not to blow.  I'm not sure if it's normal or fitting to sing showtunes at full volume as a bedtime lullaby.

The Payoff.
Art by Melanie.

Mother of the Year...Again

We've been lounging all morning long.  My default TV channel for background noise is Bravo.  I left the room for a bit.  During a commercial break, Belle calls to me.

"MOMMY....I want the big kids' show with the girl with the hurt nose." 

"What big kids' show?"  Jesse?  Shake it Up?  Any Disney comedy? 

"The one that has the girl with the thing on her nose."  ????? 

"What's her name?" 

"Alexis."

As in...

Alexis from the Real Housewives of Orange County

So, my almost 4-year-old is caught up in a marathon of Orange County Housewives.  Evidently, it's the episode where Alexis elects to fix her "deviated septum."  Big kids' show indeed.

Next I hear both girls yelling, "ALEXIS!"

I find this...

"Alexis won't keep her bandage on!"

I will not comment on Alexis being portrayed by a monkey.  Please do not ask me the significance of the snake.

Time to head outside.

An Easter Story (Melanie's Version)

First, an update on the chore chart as it pertains to this post:

The honeymoon is over.  The chores are still being done, but the sereneness of  three mornings ago has left.  It's now chaos as usual. See this for more info.  This morning they were fighting over...

Melanie was hoarding it.  Belle wanted to hold it  The following is a transcript of the morning's events.

Scene 1:  The Living Room

Belle:  Give it to me.  I wanna read it.

Melanie: You don't even know how to read. 

Belle:  Yes, I do. 

Melanie:  No, you don't. 

Yes, I do.  No you don't.  (Repeats roughly 25x)

Melanie:  Fine!  I'll read it really fast then give it to you.   (Furiously flips pages) Jesus dies on the cross.  Okay, next page (flip).  Mary is so sad she throws up all over Jesus (flip).  He rises from the dead.  Everyone cheers.  (Shuts book)  Okay, the end.  Here (thrusts book at Belle).

Me:  Melanie, show me the picture of Mary vomiting on her son.

Melanie:  I just said that to make Belle laugh. 

That's my girl distorting fact for fiction for comedy's sake.

Scene 2:  The Ride to School

(They are singing to the finale of Godspell.)

Belle:  (in a pseudo-deep voice bordering on sacrilege) O God, I'm bleeding...O God, I'm dying...O God, I'm dead.

Melanie: (playing air guitar) Will I be nailed or roped to the cross?

Me:  Uh...neither.  You will not be crucified at all. 

Melanie:  I'm excited that we get to see the end of the Easter video today.  I missed my favorite part yesterday...the crucifixion.

Ummmm...is that normal?

Chad says he'll be glad when Easter is over.  Melanie is taking it too hard.  She cried at bedtime tonight because Jesus died on the cross. Sounds like the onset of Catholic guilt. 

Epilogue

Melanie:  Mary, I have some bad news.  When Jesus grows up, he's gonna die on the cross.

A Reenactment

Wrong liturgical season, girls.

Personal Responsibility, You are a Friend of Mine

Melanie's Weekly Chores

We instituted a new chore chart in our house yesterday, and it's working like a charm.  True it's only been in effect one day, but Lord what a difference it made this morning.  

As you know, getting the girls out the door for school without screaming and/or spankings rarely happens.  This morning, however, was a pleasure.  We used to use a chore chart on a white board that was attached to the refrigerator.  It worked well.  But for whatever reason, we stopped keeping track. My friend, Karen, gave me this. They attach this sheet to a clip board.  We brainstormed about chores that should be included.  The inspectors (Chad and I) add a sticker to the bottom for each day of completed tasks.  The reward is $5 at the end of week.

Melanie carried around her clipboard this morning making check marks along the way.  It was actually pretty funny.  The best part?  No yelling, no asking multiple times for them to get dressed, no spankings, a.k.a. NO STRESS!  Melanie even brushed her own teeth.  Note:  She's quite capable of doing this on her own, but I'm a little excessive compulsive when it comes to teeth brushing, so I had to do a follow-up myself....I know, I know!

Right now, this is novel.  We'll check back in 2 weeks' time to see if it's still working.

The Western Caribbean- A Pictorial Review (Better late than never!)

In late July, I went on a week-long cruise with my mom and Nana to Cozumel, Belize, Roatan, and Grand Cayman.  Sherry kept the girls because Chad had to work all week.  It was a nice getaway for me and a great three-generational bonding experience.  I've neglected both my blog and digital pictures of late, but in an effort to make amends, here they are:

We set off from Tampa.  This is a view from our balcony over the Florida Aquarium. 

Nana chillin' out on our balcony. 

This is the life!  I felt a little ridiculous carrying around this bucket of super-sized beer to the lifeboat drill. 

Bye bye, Tampa! 

Under the Sunshine Skyway Bridge.  Full speed ahead.  P.S.  I'm buzzed by now.

The view from our balcony.  Couldn't be more ideal, except for a lot of swaying.  Had to invest in wrist bands that hit pressure points to help with nausea.  They work really well.  

At dinner one night.  Nana moves  pretty well for 96!  

Glad I was filming and didn't have to participate. 

I had the worst night's sleep...woke up about 5:30am and laid there.  Finally, I got up, had some breakfast, 
and went for a walk on deck.  This was the sun coming up over Cozumel.  That was a really peaceful time on the ship. 

As close as I got to Belize. I couldn't be bothered to go ashore. The ship tenders from really far out.

This image might outweigh the nausea. 

The port at Roatan, Honduras.  This was our favorite stop!  (and unfortunately, the shortest)

Getting off the ship at Roatan. 

A resort at West End Village, Roatan. We felt very safe and welcome here. 

Horseback riding along the beach. 

Excellent Honduran beer! We enjoyed a boozy lunch at Fat Tuesdays. 

Absolutely no excuse for missing  your call when the ship is this close to the port.  This was a really good day.  

And we continued our fun on the ship after our 3pm sail.  Some of us "rested" during dinner.

At port in Cayman Islands.  Our ship in the background. This port tenders. 

One of 2 shipwrecks we saw on a glass bottom boat at Grand Cayman. 

From a beach at Grand Cayman. It threatened rain all day, but never affected us. This place looks and feels very similar to Key West. 

We stopped by a turtle farm.  There were some there that were almost 100 years old.  P.S. Turtle soup is very good!

Nana holding a turtle.  Caption actually unnecessary. 

Room service at it's finest. The entire staff of the cruise was phenomenal. 

Melanie and Belle appreciated their souvenirs. $12 (each!) well spent on blowfish pina coladas. 

It was a fun trip, and I'm glad we went.  A week is a little long for me to be at sea, but we enjoyed ourselves.