Horrible, Christina. Absolutely Horrible!

"Dear God.   Please restore my brief sense of style.  I look ridiculous.  Amen."

Worst Case Scenario

I take back everything I wrote in my recent post about Christina Aguilera's transformation from tacky to tasteful.  She is slipping back into her old ways.  Why is she doing this?  Her appearance tonight on The Voice is laughable.  This image is actually the outfit I was referring to in the other article.  But what she is wearing tonight is far worse.  She just can't help herself.

And Christina, if you want to sing, go to a studio and lay down a track.  Because it's not about you, it's about the contestants.

'Fifty Shades of Grey': Mommy's Dirty Little Secret

I've recently started doing some freelance writing for Examiner.com.  Please click here to read my first article on the new phenomenon, Fifty Shades of Grey.  I wont post my articles in their entirety on my blog because that defeats the purpose.  I get paid by the amount of page clicks.  Enjoy!

bare: a pop opera

 Stephanie Coatney, Omar Montes, and Natale Pirrotta  in bare:  a pop opera.

This weekend I went to see my former student, Stephanie Coatney, in bare:  a pop opera at the Shimberg Playhouse at the Straz Center for the Performing Arts.  M.A.D. Theatre of Tampa produced the show and it was superbly directed by Jennifer Marshall.  

Set in a Catholic boarding school, the show centers on a group of friends during their senior year.  Altar boy Peter and big man on campus Jason are roommates and are carrying on a closeted romance.  Peter wants to go public with the affair, at least to his mother, whom he loves dearly.  Jason feels that his world would crumble if word of the relationship got out.  Things get more complicated when Ivy, makes a play for Jason.  Her rejected suitor, Matt, discovers Jason and Peter's secret and reveals the truth.    As both Jason and Peter struggle to come to terms with who they are, and who the world thinks they should be, they seek answers from the Church, their friends, and ultimately from within themselves.

It was a moving experience.  I am so proud of Stephanie.  She played Ivy and was amazing. I'm not surprised, though.  Her talent was evident when she was 14-years old.  Aside from her stellar voice, she speaks volumes with her eyes.  It's amazing when someone can play sexy, innocent, and vulnerable so well.  I am so glad that I got to see her in this role and that I was introduced to this amazing musical.

The acting and singing of the entire cast was so honest.  Nothing was overdone or overplayed.  The music was phenomenal, and the story was relevant. The blending when the entire cast sang as a whole was sick.  Other standout performers were Natale Pirrotta  who played Peter and Omar Montes who played Jason.  The latter half of the second act had the majority of the audience in tears, and it was largely due to their performances.  

I cannot believe that this was a community theatre performance.  I've seen some really bad community theatre, and believe me, this was many tiers up from that.  I would say this even if Stephanie were not in the show.  I am truly impressed and look forward to more M.A.D. productions.

The show's music is by Damon Intrabartolo and lyrics are by Jon Hartmere with the book a collaboration of the two.  It ran Off-Broadway in 2004.  If you're familiar with musical theatre, the show had the feel of Spring Awakening and Next to Normal due to its music style and themes.  A professional cast album is available on iTunes in two parts:  act one and act two.

Melanie's First Mani/Pedi

Melanie and I enjoyed a relaxing afternoon at the nail salon.  Because she was with me, I did not get to catch up on my reading, as I normally do.  But I did get to enjoy some pretty kick ass music from the '90s.  I'm talking the whole decade...the soundtrack of my life that included high school, college, and my early career.  I don't know where they get the music, but I must own it.  Is it some sort of special order Muzak?  Would a Vietnamese nail salon in a substandard mall even invest in such a thing?  Their music is always the same, always a perfect mix, and always magnificent.  In fact even when I go alone and get to read, I get sidetracked by the tunes.  Man, I loved the '90s!

I apologize that the first paragraph had absolutely NOTHING to do with the title and purpose of this post.

So anyway, when I wasn't envisioning myself dressed in all white and dancing on on a pier to Britney Spears' Sometimes, I was documenting Melanie's first professional manicure and pedicure.

Who doesn't love a hand massage?

Convincing a 6-year-old to keep her hands and feet still is nearly impossible.

This is the life!

It was a nice mother/daughter bonding experience.  The music made it that much sweeter.

I've Lost that Idol Feeling...at Least for This Week

Sayonara!

I promised I'd enter this week of Idol with a poor attitude, and indeed I did.  I REALLY missed seeing Colton on that stage.  

All I can say to Elise Testone being kicked off is...good riddance!  I was over her in week 1.  If it didn't happen this week, it would be next week.  Frankly, I'm surprised she lasted this long.  I still can't put a face to her fan base. Maybe that was part of her problem.  She's a good technical singer, but raspy voices are not my bag.

Here's my take on the Top 5:

In order of my preference. 

Joshua Ledet-  He should win.   He came out swinging last night.  I think he proved his versatility because we already knew the boy can SANG!

Phillip Phillips-  I dig his vibe, and I buy what he's selling.  He's obviously not the best singer, but he's authentic.  I'd like to hear some of his original work.

Skylar Laine-  I did not care for her much in the beginning.  But she had some stellar weeks there in the middle, and I was impressed.  Last night was just alright.  I'm not a fan of country, especially that Reba twang, but she could make it to the top 2 or 3 because that genre sells with Idol fans.

Holly Cavanaugh-  A couple of weeks ago, I was ready to watch her head roll.  She's really brought her A game, though, these past two weeks.  I thought she was phenomenal last night singing The Climb.  Certainly, 1000 times better than Miley Cyrus, but that's not very hard to achieve.  That said, she'll probably go next week.  Her nine lives are just about spent.

Jessica Sanchez-  Her Dance with My Father was great last night.  Other than that, she has shown me nothing since the big save.  It seems that the judges are disenchanted with her as well.  No more leaping to their feet and more criticism.  I'd love to see her go before Holly.

On a separate note, I will never watch the results show again live again because I cannot stomach another Ford music video or a performance from Idol rewind (Adam Lambert excluded.)

Imbecile Parade

Exhibit A- an "imbecile."

We have a running gag in our family that is probably not found in any parenting manuals and is most likely frowned upon in many social circles.  We refer to anyone we see riding a motorcycle as an "imbecile."  Not sure why or how it started.  I have nothing against those who choose this lifestyle.  Personally, I've never set foot on the machine, and likely never will.  But, to each his own.

There is a Harley Davidson superstore in our area that hosts a lot of events for cyclists.  We drove past and witnessed one such event last week.  As I saw the double line of motorcycles several hundred feet long making it's way down the highway to the store, I exclaimed, "Look, girls.  It's an imbecile parade."  Sometimes I say things to my kids that should probably be left unsaid.  

Jump ahead to today in Music class.  (In case you are are not privy to this information, I teach Music at the same school where my girls attend.)  We were discussing drums and the percussion family.  As an example, we listened to a march.  I said that drums play a major part in marches, especially in parades.  

Melanie raises her hand. 

"Yes, Melanie?"

"Speaking of parades, we saw an imbecile parade the other day."

Sound of screeching tires (in my head).

"Yes, you're right.  We did.  [Long awkward pause. 15 expectant pair of eyes on me].  So, anyway, uh....drums......."

Thank God the average Kindergartner doesn't know the definition of an "imbecile." 

Also, your kids will ALWAYS repeat things you say.  Lesson learned.

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

I'm changing the target's name because I don't need a lawsuit.  Plus, I teach the kid, so that's really weird.

Seriously, I do not make this up.

Melanie, what are you doing?

"I'm looking up a spell to cast on Jennifer.  She is mean."

[Notice the mimic monkey in the back]

Just a fun spell, right?  Not to hurt her?

"Uh...yeah.  Sure."

"Duh....just for fun."

Belle, you are so... ______ (searching for the perfect adjective.)

"Fabulous!"

Not really what I was going for.

A Pet Isn't Just For Life

Occasionally, the girls like to go out to spend some time at Leo's grave.  He's buried out beside the garage under a tree next to our other cat.  Today, we noticed a major dip in the dirt around the grave.  My first thought was that some animal had tried to get to him.  The grave is fairly fresh...three weeks.  Also, we've had a lot of hard rain for two days.  Bottom line, you could see the box he's inside.  

Macabre, to say the very least.  I simply cannot deal with a dug up cat corpse.

After shooing away the girls, Chad threw some more dirt on the grave.  For good measure, he covered the area in stones and flat rocks.  After all was well, they came to visit and literally were jumping from stone to stone.  This irked me.  

Attempting to capitalize on this teachable moment, I say,  "Girls, stop that.  It's disrespectful to walk on people's graves."

Belle replies, "It's not a people.  It's just an ole' kitty cat."

I look to Chad for support.  He simply snickers and walks away.

And this philosophy is why the poor bastard  writhed in pain for four hours while we were at a party (I may have failed to mention this information on my other post in an effort to shed a better light on myself.  Or to feel less guilty.  One of the two.  Or both.)

Ten points if you caught the tagline reference of the title.

Too Much, Too Soon

Statements I never hoped or wanted to hear today from my almost 4 and 6-year-old daughters:

1. "I need to take Belle's profile picture."  (Melanie)
2. "Mommy, is that your BedeeMania blog?  (Melanie)
3. "I whip my hair back and forth...." (Belle- in song)
4. "I need to text the Ice Princess." (Melanie)

Shameful.

Three of the four are due to the Disney Channel.  Which in turn is still my fault for letting them watch  it.

I'm both sad and very, very scared.

Amy Duncan is My Hero

If I could choose one TV mom to be my new best friend it would be Amy Duncan from Good Luck, Charlie. Before you judge me for choosing a Disney mom, here me out.  This is a really cute show that could actually survive on primetime, and one of the few that is minus a smart-alecky midget kid and plus a present mom and dad.  This clip proves that Amy and I could totally hang. The quality's not the best, but you get the point.

When we watched this episode, both girls and Chad turned to me and said, "That's you, Mommy."

NOTE:  I may have, once or twice (or more),  performed in this fashion.  But never in a preschool.  Only in the privacy of my own home.   

Every morning on the way to school the girls listen to Wicked.  And, every morning they tell me to stop singing.  I tell them that's like telling the wind not to blow.  I'm not sure if it's normal or fitting to sing showtunes at full volume as a bedtime lullaby.

The Payoff.
Art by Melanie.

Washington Square By Henry James: A Review

I feel so ignorant when I don't love a classic, but this is indeed the case. I first attempted reading this book. I couldn't get into it, so I stopped. Then I really got into learning more about this period, so I decided to try again, but this time on audio. 

First, a note on the narrator. There are several audio versions available, but I listened to Lorna Raver's version. She was excellent and made the book much more enjoyable than simply reading it. Seriously, a good narrator can make or break a book.  Likewise, a worthy narrator can make you finish a book when you would normally have quit.  Case in point...Washington Square

Catherine Sloper catches the eye of Morris Townsend, presumably because he sees the dollar signs of her inheritance. Her flighty, meddling aunt, Mrs. Penniman, helps promotes the relationship. Her father, Dr. Sloper is sure that Townsend is only after Catherine's money. He tells Catherine as much and makes it clear to her that he hates Townsend. Furthermore, Dr. Sloper has never been very loving towards Catherine. He seems to be disappointed and embarrassed by her. Still, Catherine is infatuated by Townsend and wants to be with him. Eventually, Dr. Sloper threatens to cut Catherine out of his will if she marries Townsend. With this news, Townsend moves on. The story jumps ahead almost twenty years. Catherine has avoided marriage, even though she has had suitors.  Dr. Sloper dies and leaves Catherine a very small inheritance because he is still concerned she will be taken advantage of by a manipulative fiance. Catherine's aunt reunites she and Townsend when he returns to town. He attempts to rekindle the relationship. She refuses to hear his argument and hands him his walking papers.

Here are the points I took away from this novel:

1. Dr. Sloper is a horrible father. What sort of father sets conditions on his love? 
2. Mrs. Penniman is utterly unlikable. Really, just horrible.  She needs another hobby.
3. It's never really stated if Townsend really did only pursue Catherine for her money. I wonder??? 
4. Catherine grows in character as she becomes stronger, but at what cost? She'll die a spinster. 
5. I still don't understand the significance of the title is.  The characters meet "in secret" in Washington Square occasionally.  But the story isn't a commentary on New York City or this particular area really.

What's interesting is that due to the third person omniscient point of view, we understand very little of Morris Townsend.  I get a clear sense of who Catherine, Dr. Sloper, and Mrs. Penniman are.  I understand their characters and personalities.  Perhaps it is because he is the subject of so much scrutiny and prejudice, but I feel like we never hear his true voice.  This is why I'm unclear as to his true feelings and motives.  I honestly think there was more there than his search for money.

I simply feel that not a lot happened. I truly had to make myself finish it. The writing, of course, was good, and I appreciate that. But the language of over 100 years ago is not that of today, even if it was the "American Renaissance." Structure, style, and language are so different now. I wish I could say I liked it better, but it was just all right. Check one more off my "try to read more classics and not so many many comic memoirs list."

There was a movie made back in the day with my girl Olivia de Havilland  of Gone With the Wind.  I wouldn't mind seeing it.

American Idol Voters are Hopeless

Are you kidding me, America? Seriously? Colton Dixon is going home, and I think I want to vomit.

This is what I hate about the concept of a Judges' Save. It totally throws things out of orbit the next week. The ones who were in danger last week (except Elise) were in the clear. I'm not surprised. Their fans got on the stick and voted like crazy. 

But Colton? Granted, this wasn't his best week. But he has so much talent. I didn't love his Bad Romance rendition because I prefer him behind the piano. I actually enjoyed his September. I thought it was unique and in his style.  I just don't get why the judges need over the top dramatic builds and glory notes in order to truly back a contestant.  Not every song demands that, and very few singers today on the radio deliver that.

It's like my post from last week is prophetic with a slice of Karma.  I knew something like this would happen.  This isn't my first Idol rodeo.  I'm just disgusted that my favorite is the one who had to pay the price.  

I wish I could say that I'm done with Idol this season.  But I'm not.  No Idol result could cause as much mental devastation for me the 2009 season when Adam Lambert lost.  I was completely non-functional for a week.  I'd like to throw something at the TV, give my two cents to the judges,  and deliver a strong tongue lashing to all those who jumped off Colton's ship.  But instead, I'll just have another glass of wine and continue with this post.  And go into next week's show with a really bad attitude.

Understand this, Elise, Holly, and JESSICA, I will power vote like crazy in the hope you are the next three to go.

The New Adventures of Old Christina

Let's talk about how MUCH BETTER Christina Aguilera looks since The Voice went live as opposed to the earlier episodes.

From

Tragic Hot Mess

To

Totally Hot

I won't even go into detail about that 45 record on her head because that's a blog post all by itself.

I don't even think it's the weight loss, because she hasn't lost all that much (as I write I'm watching her prance about the stage in a horrid bustier that does nothing for her thighs.)  It's like she saw herself on TV when the pre-taped shows aired and realized the ridiculousness that she had become.  Her body is but the first step.  Her total image has changed.  Did she get a new stylist?  Everything is better:  the makeup, the hair, the wardrobe.  It's more subtle and less clown-like and gimmicky.

Please, Christina.  Do yourself a favor and permanently lose the red lipstick and hair extensions.

Mother of the Year...Again

We've been lounging all morning long.  My default TV channel for background noise is Bravo.  I left the room for a bit.  During a commercial break, Belle calls to me.

"MOMMY....I want the big kids' show with the girl with the hurt nose." 

"What big kids' show?"  Jesse?  Shake it Up?  Any Disney comedy? 

"The one that has the girl with the thing on her nose."  ????? 

"What's her name?" 

"Alexis."

As in...

Alexis from the Real Housewives of Orange County

So, my almost 4-year-old is caught up in a marathon of Orange County Housewives.  Evidently, it's the episode where Alexis elects to fix her "deviated septum."  Big kids' show indeed.

Next I hear both girls yelling, "ALEXIS!"

I find this...

"Alexis won't keep her bandage on!"

I will not comment on Alexis being portrayed by a monkey.  Please do not ask me the significance of the snake.

Time to head outside.

American Idol Top 7 "Shocker"

Article first published as American Idol Top 7 "Shocker" on Technorati.


So, big news last night on Idol.  Jessica Sanchez, an obvious judge favorite was nearly sent home.  After receiving the lowest number of votes, the judges cut her off while she "sang for her life" and used their only save of the season.  My question is this:  Are we really so shocked by this outcome?

Anyone who has watched American Idol these 11 seasons as I so faithfully have will attest to the fact that this ALWAYS happens EVERY season. Maybe not this early, but it happens.  The way I see it, it's a formula.  The judges, these three in particular, rally behind their favorite contestants and shower them week after week with praise.  They bound out of their chairs as if catapulted to deliver repeated, often unwarranted, standing ovations.  When overused, the standing O certainly loses its punch.  The constant on-their-feet applause leaves me pining for the days of Simon Cowell.  Likewise, they are often rendered speechless by the contestants they deem less worthy and offer meaningless morsels of appreciation such as "You look beautiful tonight."  The audience gets complacent and/or lazy and doesn't vote as as much as they used to for the "apparent" leaders.  Also, fans of the underdog come out in full-force and power vote for the save.  The fact that Joshua Ledet, the absolute clear favorite, was also in the bottom three tells me that this is likely the case.

But I have another theory that is likely to be less popular.  Jessica Sanchez simply doesn't connect with the audience.  Admittedly, I had tears in my eyes when she sang I Will Always Love You in the Top 12 show.  That performance was flawless.  But so is that song.  And in my opinion, she did very little to stray from Whitney Houston's interpretation and arrangement.  For a 17-year-old, or at any age for that matter, she is a technically superior singer.  She is truly gifted, and there is no denying it.  Still, I feel a disconnect when she sings and haven't voted for her since that first week.  Her performances don't touch me the way some others do.  Could it be that I'm not the only voter who senses this?

I feel that Steven Tyler's statement, "We are going to use our Judges' Save tonight" was premature.  Elise Testone was also in the bottom three and has been there off and on since week one.  To save her would have been utterly foolish.  I actually don't disagree with using the save for Jessica.  They have to use it before the Top 5 anyway.  Up until last night, I would have assumed that she would at least make it to the Final 3.  I certainly would have used it if Joshua had been the one receiving the lowest votes.  But now, two contestants will go home next week.

If I may now indulge the reader in the contestant whom I felt was most worthy of a standing ovation last Wednesday....Colton Dixon.  His performance of Love the Way You Lie had me on the edge of my seat and left me with chills.

This poor guy has never received the ultimate price of seeing the judges on their feet.  He has received abundant praise, but geez...throw the kid a bone!  And more importantly, send the message to the voters that you feel this guy could win it.

I think that Holly Cavanaugh and Elise Testone will go home next week, or at least they should. Anything other than that outcome will prove the judges' save was costly.

On the Road in Rhode Island

This past Easter weekend, Chad and I celebrated our 10th anniversary with a trip to Providence and Newport Rhode Island.  I've always wanted to see the famous "cottages" of Newport and Chad was on a mission to take a photo in Providence.  More on that below.

Our plane was to depart from Tampa at 8:40am.   We very nearly missed the plane.

5 Lessons learned from our trip to the airport.  

1. Either spend the night in Tampa or leave much earlier than 6:00am.  
2. Never underestimate Tampa traffic.
3. Never divert from the Expressway even if you think you know a "faster" way on back roads. 
4. Long term parking at Tampa International is difficult to attempt under duress.
5. NEVER ride the monorail from long term parking to the terminal.  Trust me, a turtle could crawl faster. 

To say that the last 30 minutes of our car ride was tense, is an understatement.  We rode in complete silence.  My stomach was in knots.   We finally made it to baggage check-in at 8:10am.  The attendant  told us we could probably still make it, but the plane wouldn't wait on us.  We still had security to deal with.  We took our chances and RAN!  The image was pretty funny.  I would have taken a picture or video, but that may have been ill-timed and at the moment, possibly grounds for a divorce.  It went a little something like this.

Would you believe there was no line at security?  We furiously ripped off shoes and belts, then with the same ferocity, attempted to put them back on while running to the gate.  We were the last ones on, but we made it!  I was so winded that I wasn't even bothered by the takeoff (Typically, takeoffs and landings leave my hands sopping with sweat.) The flight to our layover in Detroit arrived 20 minutes early.  Take that, Karma!  As we were landing in Providence, Chad said, "I hope our luggage made it."

It did!  Thank God!

After a rather stressful beginning, we had a great trip.  We rented a car at the airport and stayed one night in Providence and two in Newport. Here are some photos to prove it.

First, the backstory on Chad's photo mission.  In 1943, Chad's grandfather was stationed in Providence for training as a Seabee. Either on a bet or a dare, he climbed up on the statue of General Burnside on horseback in Burnside Park.

Climbing up while his buddies cheered him on.

Fully mounted.

What we don't have is the picture of the MPs removing him from the statue with the help of a ladder.  Chad is not so bold as to also climb up on the horse, but we though we could get a picture of him standing at the base until we came upon...

Notice the handwritten graffiti.  Not written by us.

So we had to settle for this.

As we attempted to make our way through each city, Chad would declare, "I've been here."  Or, "I've walked this way."  I was like, "Chad, when have you ever been to Rhode Island?"  He said, "On Google Maps....virtual walk."  Oh Jesus, it's come to this.  Next, we'll be working out virtually.  Or worse, taking a vacation!

Now onto our attempt at photojournalism.  Unfortunately, the only picture of the both of us together was too dark.  The angle of the sun cast a lot of shadows on many of our pictures, but in some, it was a cool effect.  Please excuse my self-indulgence in thinking that the reader might actually want to see all of these pictures.

Lots of steeples and domes and really cool architecture.

The Capitol.

Not sure what flower this is, but they were in bloom all over the state.

A species seldom spotted in Providence...a blonde.

The closest I'll ever get to the gates of Brown University.

A typical old home near Newport's wharf.

The beginning of the Cliff Walk.

Beautiful view.  The Cliff Walk is 3.5 miles long and  backs up to many of the mansions.

Anyone who needs this sign to tell them to stay away from the edge, deserves to fall.

Just another day in the lap of luxury.

These thorn bushes are evidently meant to keep the lowerclasses from trespassing on The Breakers property.

Alright!  I get it!

For a portion, the path ends, and you must walk across these boulders.

Gotta represent!

On our walk, we came across an Easter egg hunt at Rosecliff, which was used as Gatsby's house in the movie.
Yes, that's a giant gold rabbit.

The eggs weren't very cleverly hidden.

Not your party, dad.

Another one bites the dust.

Chillin' at Alva Vanderbilt's summer "cottage,"Marble House.  It cost a cool $11 million in 1892.

Chinese tourists at Marble House taking a pic in front of....

No joke.  This was in the background of their picture.

St. Mary's Church where John and Jackie Kennedy were married.

Yet another Hookah lounge.  I have never seen so much drugparaphernalia for sale as I did in Rhode Island,
Amsterdam excluded. 

A Bedee trip tradition...a visit to every Irish pub in town.

It was a nice vacation and getaway for the two of us.  We definitely want to return some day.